The truth about resistance

Do you have something in your life that you continue to struggle with? 

You look at it as a problem to be conquered. Maybe it’s your confidence, the gremlin in your head that’s constantly pointing out everything you do wrong, the stress and frustration you feel associated with work, or even your teenager’s attitude towards school. 

In fact, the more and more it exists, the more you work against it in resistance. It’s like a constant game of tug-a-war and if you could only win the battle, you would be completely free.

You’ll know you are there when you have the “if only” thoughts.

If I just didn’t feel this stress or if these people weren’t so frustrating, work wouldn’t suck so bad.

If my son would only do his homework, I wouldn’t be so frustrated.

This is your mind, fighting against reality because the truth can be that work is frustrating and stressful at times. You have a gremlin in your head that has been well trained to point out things done wrong and it will continue to exist. Self doubt is a natural part of human existence. Teenagers will rebel and may not do their homework, even when you think they should.

By resisting this truth, you add even more suffering on top of it. Not only are you frustrated with someone at work, you are now frustrated with your frustration which leads you to wanting to take the edge off so you avoid work, have an evening cocktail or grab a handful of chocolate. Then you add regret to the stress and frustration. 

When your child doesn’t do his homework, you get mad because you are frustrated, maybe you yell and then you start to feel bad about yelling, you question your ability to parent and next thing you know you have an entire cocktail of negative emotion swirling in your body.

What if you could stop the game of tug-a-war and just drop the rope?

This is the equivalent to accepting that this reality exists right here in this moment and being conscious about how you are choosing to think about it. What if work can be stressful some of the time and that’s not a problem? It’s just part of the process for being a human with responsibility. What if your teenager can rebel and you understand that it’s them developing new and different parts of their brain? Nothing has gone wrong. It doesn’t mean you are a bad parent and didn’t do something earlier on in life that is now rearing its ugly head in the form of rebellion.

Too many times, we tell ourselves that by accepting our current reality, we are settling for a dim future. Yet, those are completely separate things. Acceptance in the moment does not prevent us from making future decisions.

So next time you are feeling stress & pressure, ask yourself “What I am fighting against?”  And drop the rope.