How to avoid the comparison trap

Ever have that moment where you join something new and all of a sudden you are pulled into the black hole of compare and despair?

It happens in my online fitness groups when people start comparing their journey to someone else’s.

It happens at work when we look at someone else’s accomplishments and wonder why we aren’t moving as fast or being recognized like they are.

It happens all the time on social media when we start looking at others successes, number of followers and post engagement.

The other day it happened to me as I was starting a new program for coaching and I had my first peer coaching session. I left the call spinning in all these thoughts about how great her coaching was and what a mess mine was.

None of us are immune to this phenomena, so to say you want to get rid of it is like telling your brain not to be human.

Another option is expecting it and noticing it so you don’t get trapped in it. When I hung up from my peer coaching session, I saw it right away. I was so drained after my call and my first thought was “Ugh, she was so good and I was so terrible!”. But then it was quickly followed by “Wait a minute, I see what you are doing. You are looking at her and her unique strengths and comparing me to that. I also have unique strengths.”

Once I realized this, I saw the opportunity to ground myself. So I got out my journal and worked through what makes me unique. When I do this, I always lead with my values and what is important to me, moving through each one and making a conscious declaration of how I show up related to that value.

For example, one of my values is authenticity. So I asked myself how I coach authentically? I share openly and say things plainly. I don’t try to hide my vulnerabilities and am willing to share stories that humanize my clients’ experience.

I continued through each value and asked myself how I want to show up embodying it, identifying areas of alignment and discerning areas where I also had felt out of sync in our session.

For example, one of my values is ownership. During our session, my kids had been upstairs yelling at a video game and stomping on the ceiling. I had not told them I had a call and needed them to be quiet. I also attempted to let it exist in the background instead of pausing and asking my client if I could take a quick second to make them aware. This caused me to be extremely distracted while my mind churned around what I should or shouldn’t do. Going back to my values allowed me to make a decision ahead of time that next time something like that happens, I will take ownership of the situation and request a second to address it, rather than allowing the distraction to continue. There is no judgment of the fact I didn’t do that, simply awareness that it’s an option for me next time.

So the next time you are stuck comparing yourself to someone else, realize it’s a natural human response and take a moment to ground yourself. Get out a piece of paper and consciously decide how you want to show up in alignment with your values.

And if you are in a place where you’ve lost alignment with what your values are, that’s OK too. Another natural process many of us go through as we get caught up in the expectations of those around us. Signing up for coaching is a great way to uncover your values and get back to the natural state of being uniquely you.