You got the promotion, now what?

You got the job. Your new title is proudly displayed on the door, your email signature and your Linkedin Profile. The congratulations are pouring in and yet, instead of the elation you expected, you are scared to death. What if they decide you aren’t a good fit? What if you fail? What if you don’t know enough? What if you simply aren’t capable?

I remember one time I was teaching a fitness class and a woman I had not seen before was standing in the very back. As the class went on, she continued to move further and further back until she was literally standing against the wall and not moving. This was a Zumba class, so it can happen with someone who has never been before and gets overwhelmed by all the moves. But I went to talk to her after class in order to encourage her to come back and try again. She explained that she had recently lost a lot of weight and this was the first time she had braved a gym. She had thought the class would be downstairs where there aren’t any mirrors and that was the only reason she was willing to come, but then she got there and found out it was in fact in the fitness room where the mirrors lined the front wall. Even though she had lost all the weight, she still couldn’t stand to see herself because all she saw was the person before the weight loss and she hated it. So she sat, paralyzed for the entire hour.

Even today, my heart breaks a little every time I remember that story because I realize the damage we can do to ourselves when we don’t do the work required for our brain to catch up with our external circumstances. We believe that when we get to our goal, we will just feel all the things we’ve worked so hard for such as confidence, purpose and validation. But then we get there and aren’t able to bask in the beauty of our own accomplishments. We believe that the external world is what will give us this beautiful gift. But the hard truth is, the only person that can give us that validation is ourselves, which means the external world can change and offer the validation, but we have to be open to accepting it. And if we hold all the power, why wait for the external world to catch up? 

The person this woman was at 300 pounds holds the same level of worthiness as she did at 180. The person you are as a Sr. Manager holds the same level of worthiness as a Vice President. The only difference besides a title or a number on the scale is the sentences in your brain about who you are with or without a title. Her soundtrack was comparing her to the other women in the room, telling her she was still that same woman that made all those terrible choices to get her to 300 pounds and berating herself for it the entire class. Similarly, your soundtrack might be comparing yourself to your peers or those above you and deciding you aren’t polished enough to lead, believing feedback that someone gave you like the fact that you talk too much, not enough or without the right amount of clarity. Or maybe it’s berating you for the way someone on your team is behaving and questioning why you can’t control it. 

Your team members will be the mirror at the front of the room. They will hold it up in front of you every single day and you will have thoughts about what that means for you. Leading yourself means you stop moving backwards and trying to disappear into the back wall. You get a coach who shows you your mind and you start exercising agency over what you choose to believe and what you don’t. In other words, you step into your own leadership.