I remember the moment when I first admitted to myself that I lacked purpose. I was approaching my 40th birthday and feeling weighed down in the negativity of work, full of self-criticism, too tired to really engage with my kids and family, frustrated with the people I was surrounded by and blaming all of it on life’s circumstances. I believed that if I could just change my job, that would allow me to feel something better than I was experiencing in the current moment. And so I left my job without a plan, determined that would fix the problem. I tried many different things I loved, convinced they would all lead me to that sense of purpose…I ran groups to get people in shape, taught group fitness classes, did personal training and health coaching, all in an attempt to make myself feel better. While I loved the activities and the new flexibility of my schedule, I realized a couple things:
First, my brain continued to repeat the same patterns. It doesn’t matter whether you have the best job in the world or the worst job, if your brain is stuck in patterns of belief about who you are, what you are “supposed” to achieve, and who needs to approve or validate that for you, you will continue to circle back to that same place of dissatisfaction with your life.
Second, I continued to act from a place of fear, stress, guilt, shame & insecurity. I was able to find success at each thing I tried, but I continued to feel terrible because of the energy I was bringing to each one. I was still harboring fear about making the wrong decisions, guilt about not challenging myself like I “should”, shame for not using my education and struggling with bouts of insecurity as I tried different options.
What I finally discovered through coaching is that the highest success comes from a completely different energy. When you are hustling your way to anything, it’s going to feel terrible. Instead, when you encompass the emotions of gratitude, curiosity, empathy (for others AND yourself), connection, focus, and creativity, you create the space for calm and flow. And the brain is continuously forming and reforming. As you push yourself to notice when you are in a negative emotion, understand why, then stop and switch into a place of inner wisdom and flow, you train your brain to live in that space more often. As you do, you also start to find the sense of purpose you are seeking…without changing jobs. Because that sense of purpose is not in any of those jobs, it’s in you.