I am starting this blog because over the past two years, I have found a love for life coaching and I’m excited to share so many of the tools with each of you in hopes that they can change your life in the same way they changed mine. While I had initially planned to give you an introduction to how I got here, you can always find that on my website. Instead, my posts will focus on sharing the tools and lessons I have learned and how they apply to life both inside and outside of work.
Let’s start with one of the most fundamental topics to the style of coaching I do, which is causal coaching. That is, treating the root cause, not the symptom. Causal coaching is not the same as mentoring where someone might be telling you how to fix a problem by changing the situation, and it’s not treating the problem by suggesting different actions. It’s finding out why something is even a problem in the first place and treating that.
The truth is, the root of every problem is best found in your thoughts. Sounds simple right? Well, it is and it isn’t. The more you become aware of this, the more you can create the life you want. But, seeing what’s inside of you isn’t as easy as it seems. More on that in the posts to come.
One of the most frustrating things I have experienced was wanting a successful career and a family, but feeling like I couldn’t have both without living in a constant state of burnout. I remember one of my mentors saying to me early on “You can have a career and you can have a family, but not at the same time.” Of course, at the time, that stubborn part of me put her hand on her hip, stomped her foot and said “Just wait, I’m going to prove you wrong.”
Unfortunately, that thought didn’t last. As time went on and the responsibilities of balancing work and home started to build up, I developed a recurring thought constantly running through my head to the tune of “It’s just too much”. Meaning that there were things flying at me at work, the kids schedule was crazy and telling myself over and over that I wouldn’t be able to handle it left me feeling like I was in a constant state of overwhelm. I gave up and stopped planning my calendar. Instead, I numbed myself to the chaos and just existed. I always had a running list of things to do that was always more than what I had time for. I rushed around with my hair on fire, constantly reminded everyone how busy I was and worked nonstop. My brain continued looking for proof that life was “too much” and was a jumbled mess 99% of the time which meant the work I was doing took longer than it should have. Picture your brain as an attic where anything and everything gets thrown into until it’s bursting at the seams and that’s what mine was.
At the time, I blamed my 14 hour workdays on top of raising a family for my frustration, so I left my job. Then, my brain simply transferred the thought to other aspects. Going from a consistent 6 figure salary to not making money at all, managing the household full time, and trying to decide what I wanted to do with my life all left me in a state of overwhelm as I continued to tell myself that it was just “too much”. All that stuff in the attic just kept piling up.
Then, I learned to clean house by taking all those thoughts in my head, a.k.a. all that junk in the attic, and start sorting through it. It’s as simple as getting out a sheet of paper and writing every sentence that’s running through your mind down. No filters, no judgements, just putting it all out on the page. Ever get the satisfaction of clearing a room of clutter and dust? That’s what this feels like. Like all of a sudden you can breathe freely again. In the process of writing everything down, I started to discover how many of my thoughts were tied to a lack of time. And the biggest kicker? Learning that all thoughts are optional. They feel real and factual. I mean, my mentor told me that you can’t have a career and raise a family at the same time with conviction, so she must know, right?!
Now, once you learn that thoughts are optional, I’m not suggesting that you flip to the other side with a positive affirmation that you have all the time in the world and that will solve all of your problems. Long held beliefs don’t get erased overnight. I will suggest that awareness alone can start a massive shift. I suddenly started noticing when I felt overwhelmed and would stop and pay attention to my thoughts. And when I did, I would ask myself, “Is that true?” Under closer inspection, my recurring thought of “It’s just too much” didn’t even make sense because I always found a way to do what was absolutely necessary. The “busyness” in my brain started to subside when I actually wrote all my thoughts down because I cleaned out the junk and left myself with only the information that mattered.
So let me summarize by saying you can solve any problem in life and business by understanding what it’s rooted in and those roots are always in your thoughts. The initial goal is not to change or fix anything, it’s simply to become aware.
You might be a skeptic or even thinking “I have no idea what she’s talking about” and that’s okay. I got you. We will continue to explore this concept, and how to apply it, in order to build your understanding and awareness over time.