Is it possible for you to lead when the only follower is also you?
My belief is yes. In fact, learning to lead ourselves is fundamental to how we lead others. In leading ourselves, we create space to learn and grow as a person, while also creating new and different possibilities in our own life.
To learn how to lead, set a goal for yourself and then watch what comes up for you.
Adversity Resilience: How do you respond to obstacles or conflicts?
While leading others can produce conflicts between people, leading ourselves can create personal conflict. Sometimes that’s between the person we were previously and the one we aspire to be. If you’ve ever tried to lose weight, you likely understand the struggle with one part of you wanting to stay on track with your nutrition, while another part of you simply wanting to give up and throw in the towel. You know the pain of standing outside your pantry with a fundamental decision to make. Do I throw in the towel for immediate gratification or do I continue to hold myself accountable for the goal I committed to? It’s a tough path, but each decision we can make that moves us forward towards our goal, also gets us closer to the person we want to become. Being aware of this inner conflict and quickly identifying when it comes up, helps us move through it more effectively.
Emotional Awareness: How aware of your emotions are you and how do you respond when you find them unfavorable?
Leadership is a lesson in not only becoming aware of our emotions, but being able to manage our behavior regardless of the emotion we are feeling. That doesn’t mean we numb the emotion and don’t feel it. Instead, we can lean into it fully and allow it to pass through, while intentionally choosing the actions that come next. Our patterns and natural emotions when under distress are similar, whether leading ourselves or others. Leading yourself allows you to practice your emotional awareness and response.
Take the example of losing weight. Changing the way you both fuel and move your body is uncomfortable. When trying to lose weight, sometimes people will fear the person they are meant to become and start to resist taking action. It becomes harder to get out of bed each day for that workout or to stay true to your goals in social settings. Noticing this emotion for what it is and allowing it to be present without allowing it to rule your decision making, helps you continue moving forward.
Accountability: How do you hold yourself accountable?
While accountability can have negative connotations for some people, the true essence of the word is that you are able to account for your actions. Leading yourself teaches you to look at the facts honestly, examine your actions, and see whether they generate the results you desire. Many people think accountability is just aimed at holding yourself responsible when something goes wrong, but it is actually all actions, including noticing and celebrating when you succeed.
Being accountable doesn’t mean you won’t have missteps or mistakes. By leading yourself, you can practice how to respond and how you treat yourself when mistakes happen as a natural part of growth. Accountability isn’t about beating yourself up, it’s simply noticing what happens and making a conscious choice about what you will do going forward.
Back to the goal of weight loss, holding yourself accountable means tracking what you eat and your activity. This gives you the ability to look at your actions honestly, see how they impact results and tweak as necessary to get the desired result. If you aren’t generating the results you want, it’s looking at why and figuring out how to generate the right thoughts, feelings and actions so you can achieve what you want.
By refining these fundamental behaviors – adversity resilience, emotional awareness and accountability – you start to develop the skills required to effectively manage both yourself and others. These are all areas we work on in my six month coaching program. Trying to decide if coaching is for you? Sign up here for your free consultation.