This weekend, I was scrolling through Facebook and seeing pictures of friends skiing when I instantly and unconsciously went to a place of guilt. Here were all these families spending intentional time together on a holiday weekend and we had nothing like that planned as a family. My brain has a habit of instantly going to questions like:
Are we depriving our children of all these great experiences because we are at home this weekend?
What if my kids grow up and discover we have nothing in common and don’t want to come home when they are older?
The reality of the situation is, it is soccer season. If we had tried to leave town for the weekend, all hell would have broken loose with the boys, who both had training down in Denver. Regardless of reason, I’ve come to realize that somewhere along the journey of life, I’ve developed this unconscious belief that there are right and wrong ways to do things.
We should be taking family pictures every single year.
When the kids are off school, we should be spending that time together.
We should have home cooked meals every night.
These are only a couple that come up often for me and every time I “violate” the rules, I recognize the guilt.
But what if none of them are true? What if there is no one “right way” for us to be as parents or as a family? I don’t know about you, but I sure as heck didn’t get a book when I was pregnant that said “Do this and you will raise the perfect kids and have the perfect family”. Nor have I found any proof that someone was able to apply the exact same lesson or rules across all humans and have it be effective consistently. What works for one family might not work for another.
There isn’t one right way to exist. Truth be told, we haven’t had a family picture taken in years. It’s on a list somewhere… but we have a number of candids and a lot of laughs under our belt. The boys schedules are usually so busy that when school is out, they just want to relax so we don’t usually plan many little adventures. But we spend a lot of quality time together and one on one with the kids for long drives, fostering a strong connection with open communication. I don’t enjoy cooking and while I do put an emphasis on healthy eating, home cooking is not happening 7 nights a week in an effort to preserve my sanity. Our way of existing as a family works for us.
The difference now that I have some awareness, is that I don’t have to stay with the guilt that comes on unconsciously. I have awareness it exists. I understand where it comes from and I can choose not to believe that a wrong way exists.
Where are you holding yourself accountable to unwritten rules? Is the belief that there is a right or wrong way to do things serving you or holding you back?
I can help you unpack these beliefs instead of letting the guilt consume you. Schedule your free consult to find out how.