Years ago, I worked with an executive who was known for his ability to listen. At the time, I attributed it to the basics of great eye contact, being present, and simply focusing on what was being said. He had this innate ability to make you feel like you were the only one in the room and I recall aspiring to listen as deeply as he seemed to when I talked to people. I still believe he did all those things and did them well, but I also think it went further than that.
In coaching, we learn the skill of holding space, which is listening to someone without judgment. When you hold space, you aren’t thinking about where the conversation could go, what you could say next or what you should ask. You also aren’t thinking about what the person could mean or how you feel about them. You approach the conversation as if the person you are talking to is completely whole exactly the way they are. You focus all of that mental energy on what the other person is saying, as if you are hearing their words for the very first time.
By applying the concept of holding space to your interactions, it can completely change the nature and tone of it. I enter the conversation without an agenda or judgements about what the other person is going to say. My mind is clear, so what I hear is what is actually being said, word for word without my thoughts constantly interrupting. Is it easy? Not always, but it gets easier with practice for sure. And just like meditation, if you find your mind and the thoughts starting to ramp up, just let them go away and bring yourself back to the present moment.
So how would it change your interactions with your employees if you held space for them during your 1:1’s? Or how could it diffuse the situation with your peer who comes at you with an emotionally charged topic?
Stop, take a deep breath and practice walking into each of your conversations with a clear, unbiased mind. I would love to hear how it works for you or what questions you might have. Comment below or email me at heather@heatherpacaro.com.